No more Teacher Brown

My teaching career here at SISU, at least for the foreseeable future,
has come to a close. Three years have passed virtually over night,
though the days were sometimes long. It is very difficult to leave this
place. And I hope that someday I might return again. I gave as much as
I could to my students, and they gave much back to me. The picture is
me, just after finishing my last class. Below is a note from one of my
students.

"I think you're more than a teacher. You're a brother to us. You care
about us. You showed us a brand-new course. You gave everyone
opportunities and tried to make everyone to talk in class.You encouraged
us to be ourselves, to love ouselves and to have confidence and faith in
ourselves. You said we are all important to you,but don't you know that
you are also very important to us? I am writing to let you know how much
we like you and how much we appreciate everything you give us. Hearing
about your moving to Beijing, we are upset. I promise we will miss you
for I'm already missing you now."

That is why I teach. For them and for myself.

Change Happens Fast

These two pictures were taken in the same place, of the same building, one year apart.  The Bank of China fruit stand has been replaced by a pharmacy, the whole building tiled over, a facade added.  I think the picture stands for itself, really.

Change is coming in my own life, as well.  This will be my last semester teaching at SISU, and we are more than half way done.  I love this place, but I will be moving to Beijing in early August.  I have been hired, almost as some cosmically impossible joke, by Goldman Sachs to translate stock research.  My other options--law school applications--did not pan out.  As almost some sort of bizarre record, I was wait-listed at every single school, ranging from the near elite to the not-so-much crowd.  I avoided being wait-listed at Detroit Mercy Law School by not applying.

Perhaps my failure to gain admittance is not all bad.  The job in Beijing will put money in my pocket, rather than turning me upside down, shaking, and having me sign non-defautable student loans.  Plus, it's unlikely I would have obtained a job at as well known a company if I graduated from law school anyway.  Then there is the supposed "law-pocolypse" going on, and I certainly fit into the "good at school, didn't know what to do" mould.  So this might be all for the best.

I will be in Beijing for up to two years, at which point GS will either transfer me to New York or cook my squid (fire me, in Chinese).  Moving to NY sounds okay, sounds as good as anything realistic, I suppose.

The truth is, I really love my life here.  But it's not sustainable.  I've had a hard time finding a girlfriend because, well, I'd prefer a native English speaker.  But of course, she should look nice in a qipao, too.  My bank account hovers around the "everything is okay as long as nothing bad happens" line.  I was sick a few weeks ago, and could not find a physician to see me if I had to.  I was taken to the premier hospital in the city, which failed to take a personal history, and thereby made me sicker.  I saw a doctor for less than 90 seconds.  Retirement, something which young people now get to worry about, is impossible here.

Those are the bad things, but the good things are far more.  The school is a permanent community that lives, plays, fights, and works together.  Teachers are employed for life, and it provides the stability in relationships and life that I love.  Everyone is tightly interwoven--house stacked on houses, lives stacked on lives.  Children and elderly people are taken care of by a community.  And community is what I love most of all.  I love my students, working with them to build their confidence first, their English second.  I enjoy joking and laughing with them, occasionally having one open up to me.  I find myself slipping into the romance of an idea sometimes, projecting myself backwards into a simpler time, imaging SISU in my eye as a place without change, serving a simple mission, living and working as one.

It has been three rapid, slow, painful and joyous, years.  Perhaps I will return here in the future.  But I do not know.

Originally, I believed that many of my friends here would be gone next year.  One friend moved abroad to be with her fiancee.  Two others planned to go abroad, to work and study next year.  One was rejected by a British University that interviews her twice as along as any other candidates.  Another was hired to work in America, but whose visa has been rejected.  Evidently, America wouldn't want talented Chinese women to visit without waiting two years in between.  I see institutions, who have been erected to improve our lives, also ripping down the lives of individuals.  It's confusing to watch, and it makes me feel slightly guilty to leave.  I don't know how I escaped the wrath of institutions while others, just as skilled, have not.  

--
Meilian Consulting
http://meilian.intuitwebsites.com

One of my problems,

I think, is that I tend to see things in extremes, especially decisions.  I often feel that I must choose between moving back to Minnesota, settling down, never leaving the state again or living my whole life abroad, some sort of self-selected participant in an odd, wandering journey, destined to become one of those expats who is gone so long that he can no longer come home.

Of course, neither one of those choices is true.  China has been here for at least 3000 years; I doubt it's leaving.  Minnesota does not have an electric fence around its perimeter; it would allow me to come and go.

But it's tough to remind myself that there is a sliding scale, that it's possible to have a life that exists, if somewhat tenuously, in two countries.  And so my decision making becomes somewhat paralyzed.  I see law school not as an opportunity that would allow me more choices in China and America, but rather as an enormous monstrosity that wants to rip me out of my life and remake it in its own image.  An image that I imagine to be an over-worked divorced man who works ever-longer hours because he has no family anyway.  You can see why I hesitate.

One thing I try to remind myself is that life keeps changing all the time.  There is never going to be one permanent "hunk of cheese" that doesn't move.  And I can either proactively attempt to find new and possibly better sources of cheese, or I can go find them when I run out of food.

It's just that historically, I've always run out of food (read: graduated) before I left, and so had no choice but to move on.

--
Meilian Consulting
http://meilian.intuitwebsites.com

Scintillating.

Recently I have come under fire for not providing a scintillating enough read on this blog.  I apologize.  I will do my best to revive some of the interest here.  It just seems that content does not present itself as readily to me as in the past.  Though that is not true.  Last night I attended a "patriotic show" for the Mid Autumn Festival, and lyrics in the songs included, "Glory!  Row after row of iron smelters, "Our ancestors walked out of the forest," "Between white skin and black skin there is yellow skin.  Proud to be Chinese!" and finally, "When our youth defeat Europe, China defeats Europe."  (all of those are literal translations) I am now approaching a level of fluency in the language where I am aware of what's happening in almost any situation, and it's not really ideal for attending patriotic floor shows.  You get sick to your stomach.

Perhaps I have been here so long that I have stopped seeing novelty around me.  This is my fourth year abroad in the last five.  When you've seen babies going to the bathroom out the car window an uncountable number of times, it loses a lot of its newsworthiness. 

Another aspect is that what is left to share is more of my private life.  My struggles with choosing a career, accepting that I'm not meant to be an investment banker/doctor/engineer, etc.  Often times I myself don't terribly love reading about the mess in other people's lives.  Why would they want to read about it mine?  And beyond that, why would I want to admit setbacks and challenges in such a public space?  Why make myself vulnerable when it is increasingly clear to me that competition in the world is brutal, vicious and impolite?  And I am a very polite person, so sometimes the game almost seems unfair.

But the good news here is that I am extremely happy with my life right now.  As happy as I've ever been with it, at least in the last 5 years.  And that's a blessing.  And it's also the result of making the right choice on tough decisions and temptations.  Not to curse my next move.

So yes, a blog update for you.  I hope it was scintillating.

--
Meilian Consulting
http://meilian.intuitwebsites.com

Student Feedback

"Also, you know, sometimes, the jokes you told are not fun at all. Maybe improving the ability in telling jokes is also very necessary for you."

My Next Cellphone Will Have a Better Camera

But since I don't have any money for nonsense like upgrading my cellphone, we are going to stick with what we've got.  Some more snapshots from my life here.  A little girl getting her shoe shined, one of my friends from Hangzhou who is due to have a baby in mid May, heavy fog covering the mountain (I kid you not, my first thought was that they had taken away the mountain in the middle of the night), and preparing for the school's 60th anniversary.

The 60th anniversary is coming soon, and we are pulling out all the stops. The English department thought it would be a good idea to sacrifice all my dignity by having me do a stand-up comedy routine (xiang sheng) with another teacher from the department.  We will be marching into infamy on Monday night.  Perhaps it is better than the Edelweiss song I sang last year, but if so, it is not by much.  Assuming I survive, I will report back.

Cherry Blossoms Epic

Last year I missed the cherry blossoms on Southern Mountain.  Not this year, I swore to myself.  And as such, I set out on what amounted to a pilgrimage of almost epic proportions. 

Chongqing has 16 million people living in the city.  The cherry blossoms bloom for about 2 weeks.  There is one road up the mountain and one road down.  You can begin to imagine the chaos on the mountain top.  My taxi driver drove like man possessed.  Perhaps the scarring on his hand/arm should have warned me about his previous driving successes.  When my Chinese friend told him to slow down, he replied, "If the foreigner weren't here, I wouldn't be so reserved."

The park was overrun with brides and grooms taking wedding pictures.  Everywhere I looked, there they were.  Sitting on benches, leaning against trees, making goo-goo eyes at each other.  The photographers give careful instructions, "head to the left, good, yes, now look more blissful!"

You can see the line for the bus in one of the pictures-- and that's not the whole line.  When I finally did make it back to my apartment, I lay down on my bed and passed out. The blossoms were beautiful though, and I am thankful I went.

Broadcasting Nonsense Worldwide (Except China, where I'm blocked)

Ice Skating

Ever year I take a group of students (okay, my favorite class) ice skating in downtown.  It's fun.  None of us go into the heart of Chongqing very often, and skating away an evening is a novel way to spend it.  Unfortunately, it's also dangerous.  I had a ten percent casualty rate this year (2 of 20), and if it were the United States I would probably need waiver forms.  Most of the students have never skated before and wipeouts are inevitable.  Unfortunately one girl wiped out her arm and another her tailbone.  I feel terrible about it (the arm was sprained, the tailbone broken).  I am not sure that I'll be able to go next year.

Failure

I have been failing a lot recently, which is quite honestly not something I am very well prepared to handle.  Not only did my LSAT basically skid out on the rocks, but I also did not even get an interview for basically a dream job.  The dream job is tougher to stomach, because I thought all my intangibles were so irresistible.  The only good news on the LSAT is that I won't have to take it again.  But the fact that I know I absolutely blew the games section hurts.  Hopefully my intangibles attract law schools more than hiring managers.

Sports Day

Every year, to demonstrate our physical fitness and exuberance, we have sports day.  All schools in China do.  We didn't have a track last year, so our day was pathetic, but this year we do.  I signed up to run 800 meters in the teacher's category, figuring I could probably smite the 60 year old professors.  Then I stupidly mentioned the race to my neighbor, who is a fitness freak who swims 3 miles a day.  His response: "This is awesome.  I am going to beat you!"  My mental response: "I hope you die."  I don't even want to race anymore, which is somewhat childish.

Tim Tebow

I want him to succeed.  And I want the Vikings to draft him.  It's too bad I am not Tim Tebow.

Above, the survivors of the ice skating trip

Forget Culture Shock

Let's talk about Chongqing Shock.  It's far more serious, recurrent, and virtually without cure.  And certainly un-operable.  In the 5 weeks since I've been gone, here is a brief list of the major changes:

• Entire school paved with new asphalt
• Bank of China now a fruit stand
• Huge new building growing out of the ground
• Enormous 50 ft high concrete wall covered with granite calligraphy
• Delicious restaurant is gone
• China Mobile shop converted in Fujian noodle shop (sells pig hearts, brains)
• building outside my school knocked down

That about sums it up.  In the pictures above you can see the fruit stand, building, and a comparison on the view from my porch on a cloudy day and later that day.  In all seriousness, Chongqing can be a tough place to live sometimes.  Thankfully, I have a good friends.  And enough money to go visit Hangzhou once in a while, which has to just about be God's gift to humanity.

In other news, I am starting my own translation company, Blue Line Translation.  Please seek me for all your copious Chinese/English translation needs!

Happy New Year

One of China's best idea's is to put lights up all over everything and everywhere at the NewYear and Christmas time.  These are photos taken by one of my students of our campus here

Fwd: something silly

My students continue to possibly either amaze or depress me.  I guess it depends on the point of view.  One student had quite the answer to the question (posed in my IR class) "what is the difference between a missile on a submarine and one on land?" Answer: One causes a seaquake, the other an earthquake.  

Below is a recent e-mail from one of my students.
_______________

Is this a likeness to you?  I came up with this while watching the movie called Once.  Do not worry.He is not very handsome.  And you have a pair of bigger eyes.

I am speechless.

Fwd: Thanksgiving Day

Dear Michael.
   I`m Chris Paul.Happy Thanksgiving Day.I`m writing to thank you for that you are the first foreigner who widen my horizon to know other country and help me know a general view of American spirit,such as punctuality,democracy and freedom.You are also a model who remindes me of persistence when I have difficulty learning English.

   Thank you so much.

                                                                                          

                                                                                       

---

09年新晋3D主流网游《天下贰》，网易六年亿资打造

Saving All our Jobs

The English Department was merged with the English Culture and Language Department this summer.  Now, why we had those two seperate departments to begin with is an open question, but merging them together has proved even more rediculous.  The English Department has traditionally been where the school's best students are sent.  The other variations (see Culture, Applied languages, Intl. studies etc) took less talented students.  By merging the departments, we have successfully lowered the average quality of everything (students, Chinese teachers, foreign teachers) in one fell swoop.  So why did we do it?

 

The Dean of the English department was offered an opportunity to become an elite translation department.  That meant that more than half of the teachers would have lost their jobs (myself included, probably).  To save our jobs, and the history of the department, the dean instead merged us into the other department, taking a lower status job.

 

Why would the higher status department be merged into the lower status department?  I have no idea, but here is my two cents: our dean was a woman, while the other dean was a Deng Xiaoping sized man. 

 

Safe to say, the glass ceiling in China is in no danger.  Too bad for us.

Ironic Job Discriptions

Shopping Channel Host in Communist Country:  Host must have a vibrant personality, possibly an ecstatic one, and have a deep passion for equating goods with social standing.  Female applicants should have enormous eyes, male applicants should be slightly feminine.  The ability to ignore humorous paradoxes (or preferably not even realize them) is a must.  Apply now to one of two Chinese shopping TV channels!

 

The things you can discover on mid-morning television.  In the interest of full disclosure, it's possible that one of the channels was just playing an enormously long advertising segment.  But the other one is a confirmed shopping channel!  "Buy in the next ten minutes and we'll pay you!"

 

Yes, I am also aware that China does not operate a communist economy.  Just a communist government.  It's different.

May I take your temperature?

The correct answer to that question is always, "No."  Unless you have no choice, for example you live inside the school and the school gate is guarded by over zealous students with thermometers (see above).  They are there to prevent someone with a fever, the most obvious symptom of swine flu, into the school.  And I appreciate that.  But I will go to all efforts to avoid getting my temperature taken myself-- who knows what happens if you're hot.  

I was also given a thermometer myself today and was told in Chinese to, "Take your temp. daily.  And if it's high, go to the doctor."  What I heard was slightly different: never use this thing, and if you do, guard it like a national secret.  Hmm, lost in translation perhaps.