One of my problems,

I think, is that I tend to see things in extremes, especially decisions.  I often feel that I must choose between moving back to Minnesota, settling down, never leaving the state again or living my whole life abroad, some sort of self-selected participant in an odd, wandering journey, destined to become one of those expats who is gone so long that he can no longer come home.

Of course, neither one of those choices is true.  China has been here for at least 3000 years; I doubt it's leaving.  Minnesota does not have an electric fence around its perimeter; it would allow me to come and go.

But it's tough to remind myself that there is a sliding scale, that it's possible to have a life that exists, if somewhat tenuously, in two countries.  And so my decision making becomes somewhat paralyzed.  I see law school not as an opportunity that would allow me more choices in China and America, but rather as an enormous monstrosity that wants to rip me out of my life and remake it in its own image.  An image that I imagine to be an over-worked divorced man who works ever-longer hours because he has no family anyway.  You can see why I hesitate.

One thing I try to remind myself is that life keeps changing all the time.  There is never going to be one permanent "hunk of cheese" that doesn't move.  And I can either proactively attempt to find new and possibly better sources of cheese, or I can go find them when I run out of food.

It's just that historically, I've always run out of food (read: graduated) before I left, and so had no choice but to move on.

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Meilian Consulting
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