Evaluation Fever
My University, SISU, is preparing for the Central Education Bureau to come and evalutate us. This means a lot of things. It means an army of old men have been weeding, hoeing, and planting all over campus for the last two weeks. It means that our website has a countdown to evaluation. And it means that I am singing the song "Eidelweiss" to about a thousand people during our special "Evaluation Welcome Convocation."

Please note that there was no request to sing, simply the information that I am going to sing. My partner is a girl from the Spanish department, who confuses "Eidelweiss" with "Advice" and "Yes" with "Si," leading to the song "Advice, Advice, you greet me every morning! Clean and white, small and bright..." and me standing on stage thinking that it was the dumbest song I've ever heard.

But come hell or high water, SISU will be ready for the Inspector General Comrade Whoever, no question there.

Teaching
I teach about 300 students, each one of which I see once a week. If they we're not all named Apple, Candy, or Happy I'd never be able to learn their names. I held office hours in my apartment this past Thursday, and I was surprised that nobody came. I found out this morning that the guard to the Foreign Teachers' Housing wouldn't let the students in. He is, perhaps, slightly over zealous.

A view out over the school's sports courts to its administration building
My apartment. If you look carefully, you can see my clothes outside for everyone to observe.

Me in my new apartment at about 1:20 in the morning after arrival. I proceeded to kill about 30 mosquitoes and then go to bed.

The Blog is Back!

I am officially back in China, and this blog will now officially become much more interesting. Just for the record, I am teaching at Sichuan International Studies University in Chongqing. I have about 300 students whom I instruct in various arts: mostly international relations and English. And I am waging full scale war against ants in my apartment. Below are my entries starting from on the plane to Chongqing and moving forward.

On the Plane

I have invented a technology that allows planes to run nearly silently, quite comfortably, for thousands of miles. I am not sure how quickly it will be adopted, but I would expect results will be conclusive. In its most basic form, a large Grizzly Bear is chained to each boarding gate in an airport. The bear then simply eats anyone under the age of fourteen. Sure, there might be en masse infant casualties at the beginning. But parents would more than likely catch on quickly, and within weeks airplanes would be infinitely better places.

In the Airport

My current theory is that living in two cultures is like swimming a race with two different strokes. The first time you change strokes, of course it’s a disaster. You flail around, nearly drown yourself, until you figure it out a little. I am hoping the second time, I can pick up nearly where I left off. I’ve already ordered in a restaurant (something I have traditionally dreaded) and navigated my way to here, Gate 1, in the immaculate terminal.
Sometimes I just feel like people are meant to live in their own country. I’m a hundred times funnier and more comfortable in America. There are things about China I don’t think I’ll ever totally understand. This is generally my reaction when I am stuck 30,000 feet above the earth with nothing to do but wait. I’m not very lonely at the moment, though this is still all new at the moment.
In a deep thought, if you fly 10,000 miles an extra 6 miles above the earth, how many extra miles are you flying, anyway?

After 5 Days

Things are going well, better than I ever really could have hoped or expected. Compared to where I was after 5 days in Hangzhou, there is no comparison. I have a guy friend that I trust and like, an American friend who's a good guy, and two good Chinese girlfriends, who have announced I am their older and younger brother, respectively. I wake up and enjoy my days, I am looking forward to teaching class.

Yesterday was the best day of my life to be wearing underwear. I volunteer at an outreach center of the University of Minnesota for newly arrived Chinese students. The center is actually run by a NU alum, which is extra neat. But yesterday, as I squatted down to hoist yet another oversize desk, I heard a "RIP!" And then I had no seat in my jeans. Pretty funny.

Above is my awful route to China, except that it skips my stop in LAX, which I have denoted with a tasteful blue dot. I leave in about two weeks. I am in way over my head, yet again.

Personal stories are worth sharing. Each one of us has one. When there are 1.3 billion Chinese, most of theirs get lost in the mix. This is Shuan Shuan, one of my better friends in Hangzhou. She was born in Henan, a poor province in central China and completed school through fourth grade. Hers is a family of farmers. In her mid teens, she moved to Hangzhou and has worked ever since in a pottery wholesale shop 60 hours a week, mostly selling to hotels.

One on hand, Shuan Shuan is success story. Born twenty years earlier, she would have grown up a farmer, probably never attending school because of the cultural revolution. As it is, Shuan Shuan and her family have become rich poor people. They have access to healthcare if need be, they live in a city, they have some money to spend on nicer clothes. But Shuan Shuan is stuck, almost a sacrificial generation on the road to development. She wrote to me recently, saying,

"Time moves extremely fast, yet another year has passed. And following time's flow, it has also taken me in the direction of old age. I think it's extremely scary. I have been all right recently, I have happy days and sad ones. I feel somewhat weary, feel like I don't want to do anything but stay home, every day lay at home. I would like to ask for vacation time, to visit my old hometown in Henan, but I don't know if my boss would permit it..."

Shuan Shuan is stuck, and it's hard to watch. Especially because she knows it too. Without a college education, she will not escape retail.

Sometimes development and life is not fair. And this is one of the success stories. My point is certainly not that development is bad. Lives are better all over the world in the last 20 years. And Shuan Shuan would certainly take this life over being a peasant. I simply want to bring one life up to the surface for a moment.

I recently totally upended my life. For the third time in three years. But more on that later. Currently I would like to present the incredible online course I am taking to become a certified, expert, English professional. I have pasted verbatim content below, on the "usefulness of a book."

Convenience: A book is a convenient package. It is bound, so that its components stick together and stay in order; it is light and small enough to carry around easily; it is of a shape that is easily packed and stacked; it does not depend on hardware or a supply of electricity to be able to use it.

Based on my training to date, I think my students might be in trouble.

There are few truly amazing boy bands on this planet. Backstreet Boys (who actually performed in Hangzhou this past year, crazy), N*SYNC, and of course, 375 Degrees Kelvin. In its fourth year of operation, hailing from the streets of Evanston, and making an annual house crushing appearance at Northwestern's Spring Celebration, it would be wrong of me not to share this video with you.

Spring Celebration is the last event of my fellowship at Northwestern, and as far as I am concerned mattered a lot more to me than graduation.

My planning to move abroad has been going smoothly as can be hoped. Two days ago I found out my flight has been rescheduled, now leaving Minnesota at 5:00 am and flying to Atlanta, then Los Angeles, then Shanghai, then Chongqing. Definitely my fantasy flight. I went to apply for my work visa, and was told to return with my "Health Check for Foreigners" form. The response of my workplace in China, "What health form? We have no such thing." Things are just more complicated when you live abroad. But at least I have a fancy stamped document. What could be better than that?

I finally got my mojo back. And no, I don't mean my ability to attend dances. My mojo is my ability to make decisions, and frankly I haven't been able to make any decisions in more than a year. It took me half an hour to decide whether or not to shave following my spring break camping trip. I agonized over jobs. How can I possibly decide which shoe to tie first? I minimized every possible risk. Finally, spring formal brought me to my senses.

I wanted to go, but I didn't know who to go with, what to do, o anything. I agonized. I pondered. And I realized I had become a person without courage. And in that moment I decided to take the risk and just go. I asked my friend, we had a great time, and I no longer examine every possible negative consequence before acting. Which means...

I have a job! I will be returning to China this fall, which means this blog is going to get a lot more interesting again soon. I will be teaching at Sichuan International Studies University, about the equivalent of the University of Minnesota. And I will be teaching a class on international relations and some oral English classes. I am particularly excited about the lecture class.

I will be living in Chongqing, which is in the interior of China. It's relatively close to the three gorges dam, and is a huge city. By some measurements, there are more than 30 million people living in the area, about 4 times the size of Hangzhou. I will miss Hangzhou. But this is by far the best opportunity I have right now. And with my restored mojo, I can go to a new place. Might as well!

I love my job search:

"Good afternoon,

Our records indicate that you have applied to the GAO Entry Level Analyst position, announcement number GAO-08-TEAMS-0347-02. You have been deemed minimally qualified, so your application is currently in the second face of the screening process. We expect for this second review to be complete by the last week in May. I will update you again on our progress when this process is complete."

And the wheel spins on.

I have had several exceedingly short careers. First was my computer science career. I went to one class, 50 minutes, and it became very clear that I was not going to program the next Mario Kart later that day. But more that I was going to do awful math problems for no particular reason and write boring codes. So much for that class.

My consulting career was even shorter lived. I never even made it to class. I went to one pre-class meeting. We talked, everybody threw out various pointless ideas to solve a problem that I didn't care about. We tried to be positive and animated (well, maybe they were and I tried.). Then it clicked. Consulting is all meetings! About nothing! And I hate meetings! I dropped that class like it was hot. And I am glad I did.

Currently I am in the business of making monumental decisions about my life. It should be exciting, but it's more just ghastly terrifying. At least I can rule out two careers: programmer and consultant. I can rule out some other ones too: buyer for "Limited Too" tween brand girls clothing. Yes, I do have an opportunity there. Bear Trap Tester is low on my list, as well as side walk shoveler.

Ironically, or perhaps not, it is becoming obvious that I cannot have my cake and eat it too. I am interested in working as a linguist in the Air Force. But one cannot be an officer linguist, one is either a enlisted linguist or an officer something else. And it seems that life is going to be composed of millions of choices that have no exactly right answer.

That's lame.

So this big news is in, counted, and verified. I need a job. A job that fulfills at least one of these three requirements.

1. Fulfills my federal service requirement. No, Americorps does not count.
2. Makes enough money that I can save up $20,000 and buy off my service requirement
3. Transforms me into a Confucian master of Chinese, so I can get employed with a job that will fulfill my service requirement.

The Feds, you see, are tricky. The scholarship only mandates one year of service. But all the jobs are something like lifetime commitments! In one interview, that last 3.5 hours (I didn't even get offered the job) the recruiter informed that, "You are aware, you do not quit this job." So if you want to employ me, just let me know.

Above is the amazing experience of supercharged go-carts. They come equipped with matching suits, helmets, neck braces, and liability forms. But I'd still like to thank Rachel (third from left if you can't tell) for a really fun night. I needed that.

I have a Peace Corps interview on Wednesday morning, my secret motto is "China or bust."

Good news! I have survived my mandatory terrible fall quarter. And on the scale of terribleness, this one wasn't even all that bad. It is difficult for me to process my junior year abroad. I feel like it happened in some other dimension, so when I arrived at Northwestern it was hard to accept that nearly everything was different. I wanted it to pick up from the end of my sophomore year, not the start of my senior. Things I've learned from fall quarter

1. The bureaucracy at Northwestern is unbelievable, but there are people on your side
2. Some people will criticize you. And some of those people are hypocrites.
3. I'm amazingly lucky to be a part of MEIV

And so now I can look forward to a good winter quarter. Historically winter quarter has been good to me. I got to know Alice winter quarter my sophomore year. I finally fit in and thrived in Hangzhou last year. Who knows what will happen this year. I suppose I'm ready to find out. And I know that guessing is pointless.

Technically referred to as "Regional Link Jets" the toy planes I flew in this past weekend are notable for one main reason: taxi speed. Perhaps the crew is trying to compensate: "You know it's not the size of the jet, Ted, but the speed of of your taxi." Or maybe the pilot is simply embarrassed to by flying a MiniJet and wants to avoid to detection: "No, Jane, I don't fly those tiny things, must have seen the wrong guy!" It's possible that going fast on the ground is the only sense of speed the pilot gets all day. But for whatever reason, the leg cramped single stewardess tiny window MiniJets sure can stick it to the big boys: on the tarmac.

"I am not a girl... does that matter for this job?"
"I don't know anything about basketball..."
"No, I have no experience of this sort."

One week later after a more or less random encounter at the Work-Study job fair, I am now the newest member of Northwestern's women's varsity basketball team. I can only hope finding a real job goes that well. I present to you, Manager Michael. I am not really sure how I got this job (other than I get up early), but whose going to turn down free shoes, clothes, and charter flights? Yeah, not me. And when my other job option involved passing out flyers, attending meetings and doing office work, the choice is easy. And I bet I have enough time in my life to do a real job too.

In even more improbable news, I went to the international student picnic with my conversation partner. A friend of mine I knew from a couple of years ago introduced me to her parents who were visiting from China. Who recognized me...

from the dating game show on TV. Unbelievable.

Long back in the day, Caroline Na wrote me an seemingly innocuous e-mail, asking if I'd like to staff the football concession stand Intervarsity operates. Reasoning that it would be a good excuse to call and reconnect with people, that it would help me integrate back into Northwestern, I took the job.

Oh dear goodness. I have cajoled and convinced and screwed (sorry Jerett) and begged and pleaded and had people fly international flights and arrive to work concessions. And the concession stand has been filled, though not by any friendship building method I can think of. Even my gourmet dinner offer has not rustled up much, posing the question, "if I avoided the previous concession worker, why would I assume people wouldn't avoid me now?"

Adjusting to Northwestern has been slightly strange. I seem to feel that I am still a sophomore and all the people I know are freshmen. Somehow they're juniors. Above is my current residence, Kemper. Below is my Hangzhou residence.