I would say that my brainwashing, I mean course on the Chinese Communist Party, is going well. We have only met once so far, but the effect has been impressive and immediate. Not only am I clearing up a lot of misunderstandings I had, but I am all important vocabulary to properly discuss the subject. The next time students in Beijing cause a ruckus, I will be more than prepared to go out and explain to them the error in their ways. A recent excerpt from class:

Teacher: What function does Marxism-Leninism have?
Me: It is the basis for Chinese socialism. It must be adjusted for China's situation.
Teacher: How do we know the "correct road"
Me: We must study Mao Ze Dong Thought and Deng Xiao Ping Theory
Teacher: Yes.

As we read about the possible need for class struggle in the future and the elimination of the capitalist class (it is necessary for one group, preferably high ranking officials, to get rich first, and then make everyone else rich too), my teacher shows no indication that he finds this to be, well, polished. Meanwhile, I am trying not to laugh. But I suppose as a political science professor and member of the CCP, he's had a lot more practice than I have.

Above is my professor, Yang Laoshi and me, finishing up fall semester

Sick of my international travel horror stories? Good, me too. So I won't tell you about the Big Fog in Beijing that canceled over 200 flights and delayed mine until 3:00 in the morning. Nor will I bring up that I stayed up the night before leaving, so by the time I got to Hangzhou on Thursday morning (China time) I had not slept since Sunday night. No, I won't mention any of that.

Above is me and my new roommate, 卢赛喜 (Lu Sai Xi). He is an applied chemistry graduate student from southern Zhe Jiang province. I knew things would be good when I woke him up at 6:00 am to let me in the dorm and he could smile. As for my generally scalding re-entry into China, things are going pretty well. Classes start Monday, and I am hoping that I won't instantly be reduced to tears, ala my previous start of classes. Of course, it's probably best to count on the worst. Then nothing can go wrong.

I hate rollercoasters. You can ask my College Prep Program students whether or not I chickened out from riding on Batman. Definitely did. The whole thing with rollercoasters, generally speaking, is that they are Instant Consquence Decisions. One sees a rollercoaster, is then pressured until he breaks, and finally sees his whole life pass before his eyes with every single click-clack of the elevator chain. The whole terrible process is over in maybe 10 minutes and the victim swears of all ICD for the next 23 seconds.

This is to be compared with Delayed Consequence Decisions. These DCD move through stages. First, some sort of exciting or seemingly innocuous decision is made.

*"We're getting married!"
*"Let's adopt that puppy"
*"Going to China sounds important..."

Then numerous binding agreements are signed, triplicated, sent to government agencies where they're triplicated again. Promises are made to friends and family alike. Thousands of dollars are often spent. Finally, one realizes that the C of his DCD is about to happen and that it's not exciting at all, but rather executing and he is strapped to a huge rollercoaster that instead of being over in 10 minutes will affect the rest of his life and probably kill him first.

Great.

This is the part where I start realizing that I am standing in line again and where I look up to the top of the coaster and I can't see it. It's up in the clouds, beyond anything I could ever predict. The difference with Michael version 2 is that I have ridden this coaster, or its variant, once before. And that if I am not dead yet, it probably won't happen for a while.

Above: My favorite place to ice skate, Bei Da (Beijing University)

Do you wish there was more time in the day? I don't. My recent Friday was 36 hours long. How? Well if you get up at 5:00am China Standard Time, and fly to America and go to bed at 1:00am Central Standard time, that is the same as getting up at 3pm Thursday in Chicago and staying up until 1:00 am Saturday morning. So no, I am not in the market for longer days.

All done with my 4 week stint in Beijing, and I am thankful to have attended. If I had not, I would still be at home simultaneously forgetting Chinese (not hard) and dreading a return to China. Instead I now can sort of read newspapers and I am excited to return to Hangzhou for the next quarter.

Three things I'll miss from Beijing

1. Ice skating on the pond at Beijing University
2. Tang Huo Luo--basically a candied fruit-kabob
3. Time to go out and explore the city with little pressure
   

Reverse Auction. Possibly the most effective sales method I have ever seen, not to mention my favorite. How's it work? A pair of men setup a shop in an alleyway (Hu Tong) and equip themselves with a loudspeaker and two wooden mallets. Big ones. Whatever merchandise is being sold is presented to the crowd and placed on a table. The following conversation ensues:

• "Everyone! This stone lion is beautiful! Give it to a friend! Put it in your house! Should be 800 kuai!

WHAM!

• My friend he's crazy! 500 kuai!

WHAM!

• No way! I say 300!

And down the price goes until someone someone decides that yes, 80 kuai does satisfy his need for a decorative pig. (It's the year of the Pig.) Unfortunately, there is a limit on the price and if nobody wants it, the item is simply returned to the shelf and replaced with a new, probably jade, object.

I just returned from dueling underground dance parties for middle aged Chinese people. I was led to this event by the school's cook who told me that she often goes to "underground dance parties." She did not mention that she only watches (never dances), but that I suppose is a minor detail. There were plenty of 50 year old ladies happy to dance with me, which was cute at first, but not so much by the end. Perhaps I will explain this phenomenon better.

In the 60's and 70's, Mao decided that China needed a huge underground city, so construction was obviously started. The whole Cultural Revolution thing derailed plans a bit, so they "city" was never finished into the metropolis it was to be. Now there are ramps and stairs leading down underground, where there are some cheap markets. The ramps are key, because they allow three wheeled bicycles down. The bicycles are key because the come equipped with speakers, a subwoofer, a car battery, an MP3 player and an old man. The old man, in this case two old men, setup their speakers, connect the car battery, and then begin the dueling dance party. Everyone starts dancing, and wahlah: a night to remember.

I recently visited Detroit. Okay, perhaps it was the Detroit of China, but upon arriving in Tianjin I promptly wrote that I did not like the city. Having decided to travel the past weekend, I chose Tianjin mostly (99 % mostly) because it was close and convenient. The lady on the bus I asked for a hotel recommendation, a native, asked me several times why I was visiting Tianjin. She wanted to know what there is to see, in case she had somehow missed it in 30 years there.

So prepared for failure, I immediately looked up the expatriate magazine for all the hip happenings. I found three choices: foreign student night at the Cozy Club, a dance club, and College Student Night at a coffee shop. I chose the coffee shop, and discovered that it was an English corner. This means that Chinese, with shockingly good English, materialize from the woodwork and then proceed to practice on you, the foreigner. This also means you are a prize possession, which I was lucky enough to use wisely.

By the end of the night, two cute twin sisters (okay, cousins) were more than delighted to take me around the city on Saturday and I was lucky enough to be invited to an American family's house for dinner and my favorite game in the world, Settlers of Catan. They say you know these sort of people (chrstns) by their love, and let me tell you, I was loved. By the end of Saturday, I was actually depressed to leave China's Motor City.

Sorry, once again, no pictures. Soon. I promise.

The Chinese don't walk. No, it is a truly a flow. They flow in and out of stores, across streets, and particularly down into subways. In fact, it is quite possible that the Chinese might collectively form a new type of matter, a gaseous liquid. For their shape changes, but yet so does their volume! Put 1000 people on a street, they spread out to cover it evenly. Put 1000 people in a subway car, they pack into it. It is a feat worthy of witnessing, but oddly at this point I am participant more than anything else.

Indeed I somehow now flow as well.

Orientation literatures states that once a person has emerged from culture shock, the shockee will not be able to recall what was once so extraordinarily irritating. I laughed at that--I knew going in that I was going to remember exactly what bothered me. I planned on it, and knew that I would never forget it. And yet I can't. Against all of my carefully laid plans I have forgotten, and instead really enjoy myself here.

Of course, it might just be that I have class 6 hours a week this month, too.

I have the power to Time Travel. Unfortunately, it's a balanced equation and only for about 14 hours per trip. Adding to the misfortune of my adventures, I also am required to sit on the inner row of up to three different time traveling airliners for up to 15 hours at a go. But I suppose that, combined with Time Travel Lag, is the price I must pay.

MB go home. Home was wonderful, even if they recommend staying in China as to avoid a second round of culture shock. I got to watch a lot of football, sleep on the couch with my grandpa, and eat an inordinate amount of sweets. I also got to spend some time with Alice, which was not only enjoyable, but productive. I was going to post incredible photos of exploits at home, including when I battled ninjas dispatched to bring me to the Northern Capital, but my internet is so sloooow that my e-mail even doesn't work. Sorry.

Return to China Culture Program (CCP) Shock Stages

1. First Day: Arrive at Beijing Teachers' College disoriented and admire my ridiculously nice room (it's a single.)
2. Second Day: Realize that my single room is a lot like a horrible cell and want to go home because, once again, I know nobody
3. Today: Stand by white board, meet friendly roommate. She takes me to see Bei Da and Qing Hua University, we go skating on a lake at Bei Da (accompanied by a crowd of adorable Middle Kingdom people), and then eat eat delicious Beijing Roast Duck for dinner with her boyfriend. Whom I would marry if it weren't that he's taken and a man (yes, he's that nice).

Final verdict on 4 days in China: spend more time standing by the white board.

My roommate, like all Chinese males approximately my age, is an internet addict. Every time I return to the room, if he is present, he is in one of two positions. Hunched over his computer, consumed by whatever website his is staring at, or lying in bed. 99% of the time it is the website. Recently his soul was sucked into a website where if for ten days you neither eat nor sleep, nor rest nor go to the bathroom, but only fill out mindless forms you could win a trip to Africa. He got started two days late, but he surely made an effort in good faith, resting his eyeballs not once.

He's not going to Africa.

The Saga of Finals:

• Social Issues class--Oral and Written exam complete
• Literature--just finished 2 1/2 hour written exam
• One on One (Chinese Government for me)--paper written, oral presentation tomorrow
• Pronunciation Class--oral test Friday

Then

HOME 家 HOME

The China Southern Airlines stewardesses are all in love with me. I can tell by the way they furtively glance at me as they pass by and by how as they pass me my glass of orange juice they hope to brush my hand with theirs. However, what makes it most obvious is when their big green eyes look into my brown ones and they ask me "rice or noodles," they suddenly can hardly speak Chinese at all. Here is me holding them close to my heart, as they made me promise!

But the reason that I was on a plane at all was to visit a certain Ms. Christina Liao! (So there, MEIV--China has at least one benefit!:) She is in Lanzhou, China and has, if I do say so myself, a fabulous apartment/dorm thing. If she could somehow extricate the fact that it's China's most polluted city, she might be completely set. But it was a great time visiting her, she taught me Chinese chess and then beat me at it (which I am glad about!), and we even had blueberry milk tea to go with a lot of conversations. I hope to see her again, maybe in February.


Bamboo flute. My proficiency has not been increasing as much recently, mostly due to the fact that I have not been practicing. But as a man newly finished with class (only review and exams to go) I intend to redouble my efforts. Which would have me praticing at least twice a week. For your viewing pleasure, I want to present the Infinitely Talented Li Laoshi and his suspicious looking apprentice, Zongke.All in all, I have slightly less than two more weeks, then I'll be home to relax, visit, and mostly watch football. I have not seen a game since last January, so it's getting desperate. Zongke, out.

The Pledge reads that I will not speak English until "graduating from The Middlebury School in China." If I am caught violating The Pledge a letter is sent to Northwestern. If I am caught twice, I buy my own ticket home. This is a fine way to learn a language, but someone reported that I

"mumble English," implying that I violate the pledge. In short, somone tried to screw me.

Whoever you are, I don't appreciate you much.

In other news, something has happened. Something has flipped, and I suddenly enjoy China and am thankful to have another quarter here. This is remarkable, considering I spent the vast majority of the beginning hating my life. I think the switch finally went though when my roommate took me to a dance on campus. I met people, I learned Slow Three Step, and I felt like a normal person. A person that can interact and make friends and tell awful, stupid jokes. And that was the best I've felt since coming to China. Plus, I won a little stuffed pig to put on my phone. So I suppose my life is now complete.

Two things I like about China

• the music and annoucements broadcast from speakers around campus at lunch and dinner
• meeting people and starting to have friends and people that i recognize around campus
  

Home in 2 and 1/2 weeks.

Some observations that one might not make instantly about China

• Some people keep all of their fingernails trimmed. Except for one. Which they grow to a disgusting length. You might think the purpose is to gross out foreigners, but it's actually a status symbol. With a nail that long you can't do manual labor, and most of these people are from the country side
• High school in China is super intense. But once you get to college it's pretty much clear sailing because the classes are too big to closely monitor student progress and because everyone slacks together, so there is no pressure except for about once a month
• Long Jing Tea is Hangzhou's famous tea, but I am pretty sure that it tastes like tree bark. I much prefer Ou-Long Tea
• Nearly 1/2 of our program has been in the director's office in tears
• I am addicted to Sprite (雪碧). I have it at nearly every meal, using it to counter act whatever foreign food I am eating
• I have lost weight (but not much, Grandma!)
• Every Tuesday I go to 家乐福a combination mall/uber-Target to visit friends that I made that work in a Tea Shop. They give me free tea, but I try to avoid Long Jin!
• I ride my bicycle all around the city--it's really pretty amazing. The city is rather compact, so 20 minutes can get you most places, and the bicycle traffic is more or less undescripable. I was terrified of it for the first month and a half
• I had Thanksgiving dinner at Pizza Hut with the only other year long student

Hopefully you find these musings thrilling and wonderful. In exactly three weeks I will be on a plane to come home. Thank God for Christmas! Above is me with my roommate, Wang Guo Jiang

For your benefit I have fully researched all the possible situations and combinations of them that can occur when studying Chinese. They are as follows.

• recognize neither the character, nor its meaning, nor its sound
• recognize the character and meaning, but not sound. therefore, unspeakable
• recognize the character and sound but forget the meaning. therefore, unuseable
• somehow vaguely know what it means, but not know how to use it
• only know the word orally
• recognize both the characters in a word, their sound, tone and meaning. have no clue what they mean together.
  
• amazingly know the character, its pronounciation, tone, and meaning. This is approximately a 2% occurance.

One month from today, I am going to be getting off of the
plane in Chicago. Amazing.

Above a woman is lifting a wine cup that was floating down a river--the person who drinks it has to compose a poem or song. This was how some rich Chinese people amused themselves about 400 years ago. Now it's an activity at a famous park by Lu Xun's old home.